What If the Answer Is “Yes”?

Recently, I have been participating in devotions with two of my closest friends.  Every week or so, one of us will choose a devotional plan that speaks to us and invite the other two to join.  I absolutely love doing this.  It helps to keep me actively seeking the Word of God amidst all of the other things I have to do.  Plus, I have built in accountability partners that share in my thirst for Christ.  It’s just good to have a circle of friends with whom you know you can grow.  I have been more than blessed to have such beautiful individuals in my life.  I advise that if your circle does not consist of people who promote positivity in your life or support your personal growth and maturity, reevaluation may be a plausible next step for you.

In one of our recent devotions, we tackled the challenge of praying outside the box.  We have a habit of praying to God as though he’s Santa Claus, seeking gifts that make us feel better or more comfortable with our circumstances.  New this, new that, more money, better job, bless this food, so on, and so forth.  You know, simple, and sometimes selfish or shallow prayers…or as the devotion calls them, “safe prayers.”  Then, I thought about it…God often provides, within reason, all those basic things whether we ask or not!  But, why does He do it!?!  I believe the answer is simple…Love!  Sooooo…why aren’t we a bit more daring in our requests?  Well, I would argue that it’s probably not because we don’t believe He can deliver.  Maybe we’re satisfied with the basics…or maybe we have tremendous fear of what the answer might be.  We’ve all experienced the fear of rejection at some point.  But!!  What if He actually says, “yes,” to some extravagant request?  That can be scary, too.  Then, what…we would have to act on the blessing.  Do something about it.  Not bury our gifts.  The responsibility can be overwhelming. 

The author goes on to warn us readers that engaging in higher level prayer can open us to considerable challenges as we journey closer to God.  Immediately, I began to feel some pretty intense intimidation.  I wondered if I was ready to dig any deeper.  I mean, I’m already having a tough enough time as it is!  I had been praying consistently for God to move in my life, to prune me and mold me into what He desired from the beginning.  I asked Him to take away from me anything that was not of Him…reveal to me the truth of myself so that I may know how to better please Him.  I prayed fervently that I would decrease and He would increase.  Now here’s this guy telling us to completely break!  If what I had done already wasn’t breaking, then consider me completely frozen with fear…no lie! 

It’s easy when God says, “yes,” to the simple requests, but quite frankly, it can be terrifying when he says, “yes,” to this.  What in the world is He going to show me?  Do I even want to know!?!  Uuuuummm…prolly not!!!  But how else will I grow?  I had an epiphany!  That prayer could actually be the reason I am having such a hard time.  I knew then I was already in pretty deep, but I wasn’t ready to test the waters any farther than I had already ventured at that point.  The best thing I could do was just roll with it and continue trusting.  I began to think of this from an entirely different angle.  Here’s where things get a little personal for me.

I was a caretaker for my father for some time.  It was a tremendously stressful time because I hated to see him deal with constant health issues.  On top of that, I had to deal with work, school, and other obligations as well.  He recently passed away and it has been the absolute most difficult event I have ever faced in my life.  When I lost him, I felt helpless…like a complete failure.  I had prayed, studied, and done everything I thought I could do to keep my daddy here and God still took him.  I constantly cycled through all sorts of emotions to a point it became unhealthy in some ways.  My health caught up with me.  So much so that I was forced to literally stop everything and take care of myself.  Between all of my obligations, caretaking, and grief, I had stressed myself completely out!  Even more began to surface.  I learned that I was a relentless over thinker with an insatiable need to control.  I had asked God to heal my father and He didn’t.  I didn’t get my way!  My whole world had fallen apart.  Then I had this crazy thought…if my father was living, I would not be able to stop everything the way I had in order to take care of myself.  Now, why did I ever think that?  I pushed the thought out of my head over and over again, but it would always resurface.  Did my father have to die for me to get my life and health together?  I thought it…but I dared not speak it.  It came to a point I knew I had to release it.  So I confided in my little brother, for whom I have unbelievable respect and consider a spiritual mentor.  He said, “Tam, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to receive it well.” It was a tough question, but I had to place it in the atmosphere, and I knew I would be safe doing so with him.  He said emphatically, “What if the answer is yes?”

I was speechless for a moment, but I knew God was answering me through him.  I told him I’d hate to think my father had to be sacrificed for my well being.  I guess I was angry in a sense and didn’t realize it.  I felt guilty for sure.  Crazy, right?  Sometimes grief has a way of depressing and distressing us so deeply that we don’t think rationally and we fail to see what God has placed right before our eyes.  I’m so grateful that even in our blindness, He places others right where we need them to get the message across.  The conversation that followed was so simple, yet profound.  It was the last piece of the puzzle I needed for a breakthrough. 

Now, I know I’ve been all around the world with this one, but stay with me.  The crux of this entire post is this…

God always answers our prayers positively.  It’s just that His answers can be a little confusing or unclear when we don’t know what to look for.  My father was a sweet, sweet man…and no doubt, he has gained his crown.  We love him so much, but God loves him most.  I beat myself up emotionally for a while after he passed away.  Now, I realize that God is simply using my loss as one of many catalysts to mature me and bring me closer to Him.  So, when I asked God to heal my daddy and he died, I took that as a loud resounding “NO!”  But was it???  He always answers, just not as black and white as we might prefer.  God is still taking care of my father the way He always has…the same way He is taking care of me.  He has preordained all things for our good.  In order to gain understanding in times of trouble, we must ask for clear interpretation, starting by placing ourselves in line with His will.  His ways are not our ways, but under His command, all things work together!  We cannot take His answers so personally that we beat ourselves up over certain outcomes.  He never said it would be easy, but He promised He would be there.  One of the most important things I’ve learned in this is to seek Him beyond my fear and learn from the experiences He brings me through. 

Have you prayed some tough prayers and encountered challenges?  What challenges has God brought you through?  Is there something your spirit desires to release?  I challenge you to have faith that He has your best interest at heart.  Regardless of what the answers to your tough requests may be, remember, nothing is ever too hard for God.  My little brother reminds me all the time…God said, “You are My daughter and I love you!”  Be blessed :-)