How to Cope with Anxiety

7 Essential Strategies to Heal Anxiety Naturally

Has it been difficult keeping all of your responsibilities in order? Perhaps you’ve been juggling so many of life’s demands for so long – a career, financial obligations, family expectations, caregiving, childcare, school, and more – that you’ve forgotten to see about yourself amidst all the busyness.

Have you experienced a trauma that shook you to the core? The hurt from a seemingly unforgivable betrayal can challenge the will of the strongest individual. The pain of grief and loss pierces with the most unimaginable force. But remaining in such states and neglecting the healing process can wreak havoc on the mind and body in the long run. 

Although you’ve been under quite a bit of stress lately, and possibly for an extended period of time, you’ve somehow committed to the idea that everything is okay. And if you were anything like I was, you probably convinced yourself that you had it all under control. Until one day you woke up with the jitters and a feeling of dread. So lethargic that even your face felt heavy. Hot one minute, cold the next…perhaps both at the same time. Your heart races while you sit still, and overwhelming panic ensues because you have no idea what could be wrong. You fear the worst!  If you can relate to any of these scenarios, it is likely you are experiencing some level of anxiety.

Having experienced these symptoms does not constitute a diagnosis of anxiety or any other related illness. The following paragraphs are not to be substituted for professional medical advice.  Please accept this information from a research and personal experience perspective. 

What is anxiety?

There are several forms of anxiety. A few of the more common forms include Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder, and Specific Phobia. One lesser recognized form has been coined Functional/High Functioning Anxiety, which describes persons who successfully accomplish normal life responsibilities while dealing with many of the same disorder-like experiences of the aforementioned forms. For the purpose of this entry, we will focus on anxiety, in general, not any specific form.

Anxiety is an internal state of being in which individuals experience unpleasant emotional states characterized by feelings of dis-ease and dread that can also manifest physically in the form of increased heart rate, sweating, erratic breathing, lethargy, and/or a general feeling of malaise.  It is important to remember that although anxiety may ultimately be experienced physically, the root cause of the disorder stems from mental and/or emotional trauma. For this reason and others, high levels of anxiety can coincide with depression in certain individuals. 

Who gets anxiety?

Anxiety is a natural occurrence in every person. Every one of us will experience it here and there throughout life. Whether it’s before the big wedding day or a major test at school…it will happen. Anxiety can be healthy and helpful in many circumstances. However, prolonged stress and trauma may cause disorder level anxiety if left unchecked.

Am I stuck feeling this way?

For those who experience anxiety for long periods of time without treatment may have a more difficult time regaining control of the situation, but it’s not impossible. Sometimes prescribed medications may be necessary to achieve balance in such cases. If symptoms of potential disorder level anxiety are caught early on, the possibility for total healing and restoration increases significantly. 

The definition of insanity is constantly doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome. This is an old saying that became amazingly real to me when I encountered my initial peak episode with anxiety. For more insight on my story, feel free to check out “I Thought I Was Okay”. In order to heal from anxiety, it is necessary to incorporate healthy lifestyle routines on a daily basis to promote healing. There are many great practices, but early on I think it’s best to stick with a few that are manageable during this vulnerable state.  The last thing we need right now is overwhelm, right!?! 

To help you out, I’ve narrowed my list down to 7 essentials that have worked wonders for me. You will find that my entire list is comprised of natural methods. Please do not ignore medical advice when needed. Some of these I was able to ween myself away from after a while. Others I had to work my way up to. Some I still incorporate periodically or on a consistent daily basis. What you need is unique to you! So, be sure to consult your personal physician when necessary. Well, let’s dive in and begin the road to healing! 

The 7 Essential Strategies to Heal Anxiety Naturally

1. Breathing & Grounding Exercises

Because anxiety has the ability to push you to what may feel like your absolute limit, it is beneficial to learn techniques that help you connect back to the present moment. Our second essential strategy is actually great for maintaining balance, but you need something that will help you immediately in a moment of crisis. Breathing exercises can effectively redirect your attention back to the present and calm the onset of anxiety and potential panic.

Inhales activate the sympathetic nervous system, or what is commonly known as the fight or flight response. Exhales, however, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which enables the body to be at ease and gravitate toward a state of calm. What would happen if you suddenly spotted a tiger twenty yards away? I don’t know about you, but immediate panic would ensue for me! I’m sure it would be quite the same for you as well. Your fight or flight response would kick into full gear…and if you were able to get to safety, a long series of heavy exhales would soon follow as you regulated to a calmer state. 

This is essentially what happens during an anxiety or panic attack. The mind perceives that something is wrong when your actual level of danger does not match. The problem is…there is no escape because there is nothing to run away from. YOU have to induce your own parasympathetic response to get through this anxious ordeal. Here is a simple breathing exercise you can incorporate regularly to help you in these situations.

Step 1: Find a comfortable position, whether lying or sitting.

Step 2: Relax your shoulders and entire body. Close your mouth, but loosen your jaw. You may close your eyes.

Step 3: Pay attention to the rhythm of your breath. If your breaths are short, erratic, and fast paced, begin focusing on slowing the tempo. Guide your inhales carefully while elongating your exhales. 

Step 4: Consider counting to establish a new rhythm and pace. As you inhale, count to four slowly, and exhale for a slow count of four or five. Pay attention to the rising and falling sensation of your diaphragm during this focused breathing.

Step 5: As you adjust to this new pace, allow all negative thoughts to slip away and think of gentler things. This is a great place to insert affirmations such as, “I am safe,” and “Everything is okay”. 

Step 6: Continue this process for several minutes or as long as needed.

I personally consider grounding to be the next level of breathing techniques. Grounding redirects your attention away from your busy mind and transfers that energy over to physical objects that can be seen, touched, and described. You may use the first few steps above, but incorporate something that is in the room with you. Pick it up. Describe the object…it’s shape, color, weight, etc. Is it soft? What is its texture? How does it feel in your hands? This process will effectively steer your attention to the present moment and away from the fictional danger your mind was creating just moments before.

There is no one way to ground yourself. It can be different every time, or you might like to keep a few regular go-to practices. How about these examples…

Take your shoes off and walk in the grass or across a textured surface. Feel everything with your toes and the soles of your feet. Place yourself in the moment…

Prepare a glass of tea with your favorite herbs. Taste the rainbow of colors on your palate…

A personal favorite of mine is body scanning. Sit or lie on a surface and feel how each part of your body makes contact with that surface from head to toe. Like I said, there is no one way to do it…but the basics are this:

Distract your mind from the fiction it has created.

Divert your attention toward something that is real. 

Detect as many characteristics as you can about this real thing.

Dissolve any anxiousness or panic that was present before.

Other forms of grounding deal with visualization techniques, which is a very close relative to our next essential strategy. 

2. Meditation

Meditation practices can be helpful during episodes of anxiety, but I would suggest using them more often as preventative measures. Meditation can be practiced in the morning, at night, just before an activity, or simply as needed. However, if your intention is to heal from the effects of anxiety, having a regular routine would be best.

You can always meditate on your own, in silence or with a soothing background. Don’t be alarmed if it’s more difficult than you expect it to be, though. It takes practice, but it’s well worth it! My suggestion is that you dive into some guided meditation practices. I’m a huge fan of Insight Timer, which offers free and paid subscriptions to its users. You will have some of the best collections of guided meditations that cover all sorts of topics right at your fingertips. Trust me, you will find no shortage of what you need!

3. Eat a Healthy Diet

The old saying is true…garbage in, garbage out!. No matter how hard you try, there’s just no way around it. While every person is different and has their own set of dietary needs, I would argue two things to be true. First, no one absolutely needs processed food. Stay as far away from processed foods as you possibly can. Secondly, a well-balanced diet will satisfy all of your nutritional needs. Of course, age and lifestyle can be huge determining factors on how you tweak your intake of certain food groups. Just make sure you are consuming real foods, not Frankenfoods. 

Designer foods are often loaded with sugars and other man-made materials that can throw your system into a tailspin. Remember, anxiety causes seemingly normal changes to be experienced as danger. If you have anxiety, your body recognizes these types of shifts quickly and may overreact to such a stimulant. Speaking of…although caffeine is not innately bad, it’s a big no-no for anyone dealing with anxiety.  Avoid drug and alcohol use as well.

While I’m not a big proponent of unnecessary dietary supplementation, I do recognize the benefits for certain circumstances. Since we’re specifically discussing anxiety, I would like to suggest a few natural supplements that helped me to regain balance after experiencing a series of anxiety attacks. Consult with your doctor before trying any of these supplements.

Magnesium

Magnesium is a regulatory nutrient that is significantly important to your body’s ability to function and thrive at an optimum level. A complimentary plus magnesium provides is its ability to support the parasympathetic system, promote calm, and ease anxiety. The amount of magnesium individuals need is usually determined by age and gender. While this mineral can be found naturally in some foods, there are supplemental options for anxiety sufferers to increase their intake quickly. This can be quite advantageous for those who have recently and suddenly been exposed to the onset of anxiety.

L-Theanine

L-Theanine is an amino acid commonly found in certain tea leaves. It is known to promote anxiety and stress relief, support a more restful sleep, and helps to regulate some body functions such as blood pressure. A plus for this supplement is that it does not cause drowsiness.

Herbal Stress Support

Herbs that support stress and anxiety management can be a pretty broad category. There are a common few that have remained quite popular. They are Rhodiola, Holy Basil, and Ashwagandha. These all aid in the relief of stress and adrenal fatigue. Each of these herbal ingredients are known for their abilities to improve and maintain energy levels of those who are feeling overwhelmed with stress.

Please check with your doctor before using any supplement to treat anxiety or any other ailment. I have used each of these supplements personally and experienced great benefits. At the onset of my anxiety attacks, I needed immediate relief and made the decision to supplement naturally. I created a routine regimen in which I used these supplements to keep my anxiety levels low throughout the day, increase my calm, and support a more restful sleep. 

4. Don’t Forget to SLEEP

Sufficient sleep is essential to good health. The body grows, repairs, and heals when it is at rest.  When it comes to coping with anxiety, sleep is absolutely mandatory. 

Not only is it imperative to have sufficient sleep, but quality sleep is just as important. The essentials we’ve discussed so far support a great foundation for optimum sleep habits. However, I suggest creating an atmosphere that is conducive for great sleep as well. 

Plants and herbs offer many healing properties we may access through essential oils. When combined with a carrier oil, essential oils can be used topically. Please consult with a healthcare professional before exploring this option. However, my personal preference is diffusion. I use essential oils in conjunction with natural practices specifically for the purpose of supporting mood and sleep. There are many options that are great for awake time (alert or relaxed) and sleep time.

5. Exercise…Keep Moving!

My experience was that exercise wasn’t the best idea during the onset of my peak anxiety experience. This was something I had to work my way up to. I started with short walks, graduated to light Yoga, and eventually back into full weightlifting workouts. It took some time, but it was so worth it!

Again, because anxiety is a mental thing, your body may initially perceive exercise as a threat. So, it’s important to listen to your body and take it one day at a time. Everyone is different!  You will know when you’re ready to challenge yourself to take that next step.

Ultimately, the benefits of exercise far outweigh the initial difficulty of getting back active. Exercise releases endorphins and relieves tensions throughout the mind and body. Just keep moving! You won’t regret it…and you’ll feel so much better about yourself.

6. Exposure: Live your life!

If you are experiencing severe anxiety, it may be necessary to seek treatment from a trained professional in exposure therapy. Don’t try it alone…it’s okay to ask for help.

For milder cases…It can be so easy to shut yourself off from everyone and everything when experiencing anxiety as well. I know the feeling! You just don’t know when you’ll have an episode. Not wanting to be embarrassed or freak completely out in public, you just stay home and to yourself. Before you know it, weeks and months will pass by. Not fun.

As always, taking it one day at a time is the key. But! I challenge you to take an extra step, or even a half step, each and every day. Exposure tells you the truth. It reminds you that everything is fine and gives you the confidence to be an active life participant. Try new things…and continue enjoying the old things, too!

You may be a little nervous at first, but keep trying as you feel you’re ready. Spend time with friends, whether in person or virtually. You’ll know when you’re ready. Real life triggers provide real life practice. Eventually, your physical and mental responses will balance themselves naturally.

7. Prayer

This step is a game changer for me. While we recognize the strengths that help us to overcome any obstacle, it is imperative that we understand that this power is not of our own creation. I’m a firm believer that every circumstance is an opportunity to gain wisdom and nurture a growing relationship with the Most High.

I’m reminded of one of my best friend’s favorite scriptures…

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10

There is a higher power at work within each of us, and we have been given the tools we need to accomplish great things. Anxiety is just a reminder. Give it to God and He will carry you through.

Be Mindful

Anxiety is not the sad ending of your story. It’s a beautiful beginning to a bright future. So, don’t waste this time or the wisdom you’re gaining from this experience. The road to health and healing is a lifelong practice. Keeping this mindset can help you embrace every struggle and discover blessings just waiting to blossom out of every circumstance.

Just a quick recap.  Be sure to…breath, meditate, eat healthy, sleep, exercise, live your life, and pray. My prayer is that you find something helpful in these strategies. Complete healing is possible!  So never give up. Push through every obstacle and live in abundance. It’s yours!!

God Bless :-)

Research:

https://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/anxiety-disorders

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961

https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/high-functioning-anxiety/amp/

https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/exposure-therapy

https://betterearthing.com.au/earthing-calm-nervous-system/

https://www.ramdass.org/meditation-for-anxiety-and-stress/

Inside Out

So often we become entangled in the web of fake, unrealistic, superficiality that pop culture, media, and advertisements present as go-to standards of beauty.  Creams that supposedly create flawless skin and guarantees to lose three dress sizes in ten days bombard our television and online experiences constantly.  Filtered selfies and photoshopped abs have quickly taken the place of good old fashion hard work, time, and patience on the journey to health and wellness.  Somehow these outlets have convinced us that health generates from the outside in and beauty is only skin deep.  In fact, we’ve become so brainwashed as a society that we’d rather fake the attainment of outlandish standards than fall in love with who we are in this very moment.  I mean…God forbid we actually embrace true self love!

In my opinion, THAT is one of the biggest issues we face as a culture – the inability to love and accept ourselves right where we are.  Personally, I take physical fitness very seriously.  I really do love it!  But that’s me…those are my personal goals!  I’ve been an athlete my entire life, but I haven’t always been at the top of my game as an adult.  Like most, I’ve had my bouts with slipping and sliding during difficult seasons.  But I hate to see or hear anyone feel hopeless and worthless in the midst of their journey.  “I’ll never have a body like that…If I don’t look like her, I’m a failure.”  We have become a culture hell bent on volunteering ourselves to self-shame.  The truth is, no one should want a body like his or hers when your best is perfectly fine.  The desire to look like, sound like, or even act like anyone other than yourself, and deprive yourself and the world of the unique beauty that is you is the real shame.

Health doesn’t always have a “look.”  We come from a culture that has learned to spend its money on quick fixes and destroy its self-esteem when lies are presented as reality.  True health is a process that takes place from the inside out.  Perfectly healthy looking people can make choices that compromise their well-being.  The next person may not “look the part” to you, but they are making positive strides along their journey.  Perhaps, there may be some of us who don’t have goals of building rock hard abs.  That’s fine, too!  Just be healthy and take care of yourself.  That’s the most important goal…any and everything else will happen naturally.  

The takeaway…Love the skin you’re in today.  If you have a goal, attain it.  Embrace the fact that it won’t happen overnight.  It will take time, patience, and lots of grit…but enjoy the journey!  The lessons we learn in life are always realized in the tough places.  You are just as beautiful and special today as you will be when you accomplish your goal. Much love.  

I Thought I Was Okay

I have recently joked candidly with friends that I had been on quarantine for a while already.  Everybody else was just catching up!  Strange enough, as difficult as the pandemic has been for all of us to adjust to, I had a head start that made my transition to this new lifestyle slightly easier.  It was nothing funny or easy about it at all while it was happening, though.  I was downright afraid.

I’ve always been an athlete.  Soccer, marching band, weight-lifting, and racquetball are a few of my past and recent regular activities.  You know how we are when we’re young.  We think nothing can touch us.  No one could tell us we weren’t natural born supermen and superwomen!  Sometimes I think we take that mentality into adulthood with us.  But there’s one aspect we seem to forget every single time.  Not only does the body get weary…the mind does as well.  So, we push, and we push.  We say we’re okay, but deep down, we know we’re not.  We lie to ourselves with a straight face every chance we get…until we crash. 

There’s this old saying I’ve often heard attributed to swimming and other sports, but often in promiscuity and game playing in relationships as well. It says, “Where the head goes, the body follows.”  Or, in the case of the latter, “So goes her mind, so goes her body.” I’m rolling my eyes at that last one (haha!), but it’s true!  It’s not something we openly talk about on the regular, but I’m sure by now most of us ladies (even some gentlemen) can relate to this in some way.  To be honest, if anyone has fallen victim to the game, you really had it half right!  Pursuit of the mind should be the prerequisite of the body.  The question is…Where is your head?  But I digress!  Save this one for another entry (lol).  Now, back to the point…

God has been moving me in this direction for some time now.  I’ve always lived a generally healthy lifestyle, but when my father and my best friend began to face some extreme health challenges, I buckled down to an almost relentless thirst to learn more and pursue a life of health and wellness.  I can’t tell you how many times the sun came up on me as I studied natural homeopathic approaches to regaining health and vitality.  Somewhere along the way, I knew in my spirit that God was telling me to move.  As many of us have done, I pushed it aside.  I was busy teaching, changing career paths to the corporate world, taking care of my dad, school, so on and so forth.  I have no regrets at all!  But I can admit now, I was a complete mess!  Stressed out beyond belief and I just would not sit down for anything in the world.  Then, the unthinkable happened…my father passed away.   

It was the most unbelievable thing that had ever happened to me.  In a sense, part of me believed my dad couldn’t die.  He is hands down the strongest and bravest man I have ever known.  He had overcome so many things over the years.  Why would this time be any different?  But deep down, I knew…this time was different.  I was watching him decline day by day, worrying, not sleeping, writing my dissertation, and still working like crazy.  I just wasn’t in a good place.  I had studied, communicated with his doctors, and tried everything I could to supplement his medical treatments.  I catered to him and served him every single day, and in the end, there was nothing I could do.  I have never felt that kind of helplessness in my life. 

After a little time, I felt God nudging me again.  All I hear is “Move!  Talk to people.  Get out there!”  Silly me, I start asking questions…”Lord, there are a million people doing this.  Why would anyone want to hear anything I have to say?”  As clear as day, my spirit received this message…”You worried about the wrong thing and you asking too many questions.  I said MOVE!” Okay, okay! I threw my hands up and I did just that.  I set concrete plans for this website in motion.  It would be my personal ministry!  My eyebrow was a little raised, but I was excited all the same.  A couple days later, I began feeling extremely weak and lethargic.  I could barely eat and simply could not get any energy.  My sleeping was horrible, and I would often wake up with this buzzing, or vibrating, sensation deep inside my core, which often led to many bathroom trips.  My face even felt heavy.  Over the course of a week, my heart rate became elevated and I couldn’t seem to regulate my body temperature.  I couldn’t walk down the driveway without getting winded and my heart racing.  At this point I was in absolute terror of what could be wrong with me.  Was my iron low?  Could it be perimenopause?  Am I just tired?  Or is it something really bad?

After a trip to the ER over the weekend, an emergency appointment with my doctor, and what was described as “beautiful” bloodwork (twice!), it was confirmed…”Tamara, what you’re dealing with right now are classic symptoms of depression and anxiety.”  So, as I picked my jaw up off the floor, my doctor sent me on my way to pick up the anti-depressants he had prescribed.  I picked them up, set them on my nightstand when I got home, and cried myself to sleep.  I woke up a few hours later, and while I felt like it, drove myself (for a change) to Whole Foods to pick up some natural supplements.  I had decided not to take the medication.  (Please understand that this was my personal choice.  I do not look down on anyone who has chosen to.  Nor am I recommending anyone adopt my approach.)  Over the next several weeks, I focused intensely on prayer, meditation, breathing exercises, reading, and sleep.  Day in and day out.  When I was ready, I added daily Yoga to my practice.  It was at this point I realized three things.  One, my dad did overcome.  Two, all that burning the midnight oil studying wasn’t just for my father and my best friend, it was for me as well.  Lastly, I had asked God why anyone would listen to me…and He gave me a testimony.

So goes the mind.  So goes the body.  I had already accumulated stress over the years.  Even some mental mess I was probably dealing with as far back as college.  Each journey is unique, but imagine all of the things we accumulate over the years from career, to finances, family obligations, relationship issues, grief, loss, and even the things we place on ourselves like weight and body image that make us feel unworthy and sorry for ourselves.  We can literally become a mess!  When I lost my dad, I did okay for a little while after the initial shock.  But eventually I began to experience my grief in a very unhealthy manner.  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Thinking back, I remember telling close friends (even before my dad passed) that I felt I might be developing issues with anxiety.  But really…I thought I had it under control.  When it actually happened, it was in the back of my mind, but naaaaahhh!!  I thought I had life by the reins.  Needless to say, I did not. 

So many people today are dealing with diagnosed and undiagnosed depression and anxiety.  These are both issues that naturally occur in every person, but when we fail to tend to ourselves, it can literally wreak havoc in our lives.  The experience of losing my father changed me instantaneously.  In many ways, (if you know me) I am not the same person you knew before that life event.  I’m sure many of you can relate to this truth.  The experience of dealing with depression and anxiety has also changed my outlook on life tremendously.  I’m not a big multi-tasker like I used to be.  I could do it…but why?  I no longer do anything I don’t want to do (lol).  For what?  I have to look out for me.  That responsibility belongs to no one but me.  And guess what…the same goes for you! 

Now, hopefully I’m not beginning to sound selfish to you, because I promise I’m not.  I argue that this outlook is actually healthy and necessary for us all.  Sometimes we have a tendency to complicate life by not appreciating the simple things.  Everything is a rush to the finish.  We just have to meet the number of expected daily tasks at work.  We make other people and big companies rich with our gifts while we give ourselves zilch.  We go home tired and unable to interact or spend quality time with our families because of this approach to life we’ve been suckered into over the years.  We get up every morning and do it over and over again.  We complain and we never change.  We never do anything different.  It’s complete insanity. 

Learned behavior is what it is!  Everyday we hustlin’, right?  But what are we hustlin’ for?  Don’t go quit your job now! (lol)  I’m not saying we should all stop working hard or striving for our dreams…I know I haven’t!  What I am saying is that it’s extremely important to stop regularly to express gratitude.  Honor your vessel and live well.  This means listening and paying attention to yourself.  Expressing yourself and being mindful of your needs.  Then, and only then, will we have the ability to adequately serve others.  I challenge you…If you’re tired, listen to that and put things into perspective…consider approaching things differently.  The Father came so that we may have life more abundantly.  When we stop worrying and asking so many questions, we clear the path for Him to work in our lives the way He desires.  I thought I was okay, but I wasn’t.  Today, thank God, I’m better than I ever was. 

Are You Storing Stress in Your Body?

Some time ago I learned about the power of compounding interest and its positive effects when applied to the growth of personal finances.  Interest that is consistently calculated on top of previous interests makes for a hefty outcome over time.  However, there is a compounding interest that isn’t so healthy for us.  And, no, I’m not referring to credit cards…although I’ve had the opportunity to develop a very strong dislike of those as well.  But that’s another story.  The compounding interest I’m referring to is STRESS.  Just like financial interest, over time it continues to build and build.  And unless payment is made toward the principle here and there, you can expect massive amounts of overload at some point.

It may be a little hard to believe, but any type of worry, grief, trauma, or overall stress that is experienced in life with little to no rehabilitation remains with you.  Hey, and don’t forget about the interest!  Past stresses are constantly compounding upon your current stresses.  It amazes me how often we go day to day and pay hardly any attention to the signs our bodies show.  They really do speak to us in the most profound ways, yet we become accustomed to ignoring ourselves and pushing on despite our best interests. 

You know, it’s been said that stress is the number one killer.  A silent killer, in fact!  When you look at it, it’s not so farfetched.  Stress can rear its ugly head in many ways…lowered immune system, emotional imbalance, mental instability, and even physical pain.  I’ve experienced stress on almost all of these levels, and I intend to expound on my personal experience in another entry very soon.  As for this post, I’ll be sticking to the latter symptom, as it may be the easiest to combat quickly on your own. 

Physical pain is often a telltale sign of things to come.  In some cases, it is an alarm system informing you of an issue that is already at work.  Stress – whether encountered on the job, in familial relationships, financial problems, personal loss, worry, etc. – can store mental and emotional burdens in the body for years.  If you are anything like I was, you probably overlook or ignore physical pains that cause discomfort on a daily basis.  It sneaks up on you over the years.  It eases up on you almost unrecognizably, and to the point that you simply dismiss it without thought.  I urge and encourage you to listen to your body and pay very close attention to the way you feel.  It could save your life…at the very least, your sanity. 

I coped with discomfort in my neck, shoulders, and back for years before I began to associate it with my personal stresses.  Even after this realization, I failed to care for myself the way I should have.  All of a sudden, I hit a brick wall!! Now, again, I will cover my brick wall experience in a completely different post.  And, trust me…it deserves its own dedicated spot in the lineup.  But for now, at the very least, I hope to help others with some acknowledgment of the issue and offer some pointers on how to begin the processes of easing the physical aspect of the pain.

Physical pain isn’t just physical.  It may often manifest out of the heart and mind.  We carry the spiritual and emotional burdens of our lives on our shoulders each and every day.  When we lack the stress management and alleviation practices we need to thrive, our abilities to cope diminish over time and leave us susceptible to a number of attacks.  In my opinion, there are a few reasonable practices that can be incorporated into our daily lives that will improve our well-being.  The best part…they’re free!!  These simple practices are consistent stretching, massage, breath exercise, and meditation.  There are more, but let’s stick with these for starters.

If you find your shoulders easing up toward your ears and your chin lurching upward toward the sky, you’ve probably got some stress…not to mention some neck and shoulder pain.  While this is often a pretty common example, many don’t realize they fall into this category until they step back and take an honest evaluation of themselves.  Is this not you?  Back pain, soreness or stiffness of the hip flexors, sensitivity of the sternum, and even hand or wrist pain could be signs of stress in the body as well.  It simply depends on the person.  Lengthening the affected muscle(s) and self-massaging can promote a more natural placement of the muscle and encourage blood flow to the area.  You may use your hands, a wall, or even a tennis ball for massage therapy in many of these areas.  Be creative!  If you can afford professional massage therapy at least once a month, that would be great.  However, if you’re willing to make a small investment, there are several alternatives such as foam rollers that are effective as well.

Breathing exercises help in several ways, but there are two reasons this method has been most helpful to me.  First, focused breathing helps me take my mind off of worry and instead center my thoughts on the physical needs of that very moment.  Second, it calms the heart rate and helps to ease stress elevations that may increase muscle tensions.  Breathing exercises can be practiced anywhere at any time and you don’t have to worry about anyone looking at you strange.  That is…if you care about that in the first place (wink!).

Finally, meditation…probably my favorite.  I first started meditating as a means of helping me get a good night’s rest.  I still do this as needed, but I’ve come to realize that it is much more. 

“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” -1 Corinthians 2:14

Meditation takes us to another place that is deep inside the mind.  Personally, I believe this to be the truest place.  I’ve come to understand that we are all spiritual beings having a physical experience.  Therefore, when we commune with the Most High, it is done in the spiritual realm, where all divine wisdom is communicated.  This is to be spiritually-minded.  Once we tap into this realm, all things, through Him, can be manifested in the physical.  Through prayer and meditation, I have come to experience the most profound peace and gratitude.  Just being present in the right now helps to relieve the mind and body of stress. 

I encourage you to try meditation if you have not done so already.  Don’t be discouraged if you feel weird during the first several tries.  Just continue to push through it.  Remember, it’s not about being perfect.  Simply ask God for guidance, relax, and allow.  There are several guided meditations that can be found on different platforms.  One of my favorites is an app by the name of Insight Timer.  You can find literally thousands of meditations that suit every need you can possibly imagine.  There are options for guided meditations as well as self-designed meditations for you to develop, too.  Access to Insight Timer is made available through membership and non-membership options.  Another favorite of mine is an app by the name of Awakenings by the beautiful Ms. Iyanla Vanzant.  Truly a wonderful woman of God!  Ms. Iyanla offers weekly devotions to meditate on that challenge and inspire.  These are two of my favorites and I certainly recommend that you try them both. 

Stress is nothing to play with.  It can literally wreak havoc on our lives if not kept under control.  Ultimately, all of these suggestions help to initiate the parasympathetic system.  When we run on all cylinders at all times, we have a tendency to overwork the adrenals and potentially contribute to issues we need not have.  Stress is just one of them…but a big one!  We must remember, though, that this is an animal that must be approached from all angles.  What we’ve discussed here today is just one aspect.  You must also attack the root cause of your mental, emotional, and/or spiritual torment.  These are challenges that take time, but are well worth the journey.  Until the next entry, I pray my words will spark some reevaluation in your lives if needed.  I encourage you to listen to yourselves because you’re smarter than you know!  Our bodies never lie…we need only listen.  May God continue to bless you all…Much love!

The Dungeon of Distraction

By now most of us have been under at least a month long quarantine amidst the recent pandemic.  City mandates, statewide shelter in place protocols, and nationwide dilemmas have run rampant.  All stores, events, and venues have been shut down if not considered essential, and most of us sneak out beneath masks and gloves to get the things we need for ourselves and loved ones.  Who would have ever thought things would be this way today?  Lately, it appears that most of us fear our lives will never return to the way they once were.  But should they?  You know, we can easily get caught up in the luxuries of comfort, convenience, and casualness that we stray completely off course and miss the entire target.  Perhaps our current circumstances are a call to examine the value systems we have created for ourselves and reevaluate our current courses in life.  Whatever that course may be…take the time to look it over.  Each of us is on a completely different journey, but we owe it to ourselves, and most importantly, the Father, to really come to an understanding about where we are as individuals. 

So, for most of us…here we are!  Nowhere important to be.  Nothing to do (so some of us think).  No immediate deadlines to meet.  Home school.  Hair and nail appointments are no longer completely necessary.  Just the binge watching of shows, social media, video calls, games, and lots of eating between the fear frenzies that bombard us on the news.  For some, it’s a state well worth losing your everlasting mind over. However, for those of us who remain to fight through this storm, I believe we’re overlooking blessing and opportunity.  I’m a true believer that regardless of what we see or understand, God is always working for our good.  He is still in control and forever will be.  For this reason, I try my best to see the positive in every circumstance, no matter how bleak the situation seems.  Take just a moment to ponder all the recent changes you’ve experienced and reflect on how they’ve brought you joy in some way…

I imagine you’ve recognized the blessing of time with your family and the opportunity to regain intimacy within your family unit – cooking, sharing, talking, and being creative together.  Reset.  If you’re single or alone, perhaps you’ve experienced a time of rest and an opportunity to reclaim your thoughts and passions – meditating, reconnecting with family/friends, doing what you like, and not what you don’t…because you don’t have to.  Reset.  All this time, space, and opportunity, yet we wallow in the dungeon of distraction.  We remain focused securely on those things we’ve been trained to focus on and nothing more.  God has slammed His fist into the reset button…and we’re on the verge of missing the entire event.  Indeed, some of us will.  Will it be you? 

I’m unsure of the depth of what we’re dealing with here, but it is already defeated.  I encourage you to take the time for yourselves and loved ones continually.  Now and beyond.  Take advantage of the opportunity you have to reexamine, reevaluate, and reset.  It’s a beautiful gift.  Learn something from it, expand, and broaden your mind, body, and soul.  To those of you who have suffered personally with illness and/or loss of a loved one in this season, my heart and prayers go out to you and your families.  All my love…and many, many blessings to each and every one of you.

What If the Answer Is “Yes”?

Recently, I have been participating in devotions with two of my closest friends.  Every week or so, one of us will choose a devotional plan that speaks to us and invite the other two to join.  I absolutely love doing this.  It helps to keep me actively seeking the Word of God amidst all of the other things I have to do.  Plus, I have built in accountability partners that share in my thirst for Christ.  It’s just good to have a circle of friends with whom you know you can grow.  I have been more than blessed to have such beautiful individuals in my life.  I advise that if your circle does not consist of people who promote positivity in your life or support your personal growth and maturity, reevaluation may be a plausible next step for you.

In one of our recent devotions, we tackled the challenge of praying outside the box.  We have a habit of praying to God as though he’s Santa Claus, seeking gifts that make us feel better or more comfortable with our circumstances.  New this, new that, more money, better job, bless this food, so on, and so forth.  You know, simple, and sometimes selfish or shallow prayers…or as the devotion calls them, “safe prayers.”  Then, I thought about it…God often provides, within reason, all those basic things whether we ask or not!  But, why does He do it!?!  I believe the answer is simple…Love!  Sooooo…why aren’t we a bit more daring in our requests?  Well, I would argue that it’s probably not because we don’t believe He can deliver.  Maybe we’re satisfied with the basics…or maybe we have tremendous fear of what the answer might be.  We’ve all experienced the fear of rejection at some point.  But!!  What if He actually says, “yes,” to some extravagant request?  That can be scary, too.  Then, what…we would have to act on the blessing.  Do something about it.  Not bury our gifts.  The responsibility can be overwhelming. 

The author goes on to warn us readers that engaging in higher level prayer can open us to considerable challenges as we journey closer to God.  Immediately, I began to feel some pretty intense intimidation.  I wondered if I was ready to dig any deeper.  I mean, I’m already having a tough enough time as it is!  I had been praying consistently for God to move in my life, to prune me and mold me into what He desired from the beginning.  I asked Him to take away from me anything that was not of Him…reveal to me the truth of myself so that I may know how to better please Him.  I prayed fervently that I would decrease and He would increase.  Now here’s this guy telling us to completely break!  If what I had done already wasn’t breaking, then consider me completely frozen with fear…no lie! 

It’s easy when God says, “yes,” to the simple requests, but quite frankly, it can be terrifying when he says, “yes,” to this.  What in the world is He going to show me?  Do I even want to know!?!  Uuuuummm…prolly not!!!  But how else will I grow?  I had an epiphany!  That prayer could actually be the reason I am having such a hard time.  I knew then I was already in pretty deep, but I wasn’t ready to test the waters any farther than I had already ventured at that point.  The best thing I could do was just roll with it and continue trusting.  I began to think of this from an entirely different angle.  Here’s where things get a little personal for me.

I was a caretaker for my father for some time.  It was a tremendously stressful time because I hated to see him deal with constant health issues.  On top of that, I had to deal with work, school, and other obligations as well.  He recently passed away and it has been the absolute most difficult event I have ever faced in my life.  When I lost him, I felt helpless…like a complete failure.  I had prayed, studied, and done everything I thought I could do to keep my daddy here and God still took him.  I constantly cycled through all sorts of emotions to a point it became unhealthy in some ways.  My health caught up with me.  So much so that I was forced to literally stop everything and take care of myself.  Between all of my obligations, caretaking, and grief, I had stressed myself completely out!  Even more began to surface.  I learned that I was a relentless over thinker with an insatiable need to control.  I had asked God to heal my father and He didn’t.  I didn’t get my way!  My whole world had fallen apart.  Then I had this crazy thought…if my father was living, I would not be able to stop everything the way I had in order to take care of myself.  Now, why did I ever think that?  I pushed the thought out of my head over and over again, but it would always resurface.  Did my father have to die for me to get my life and health together?  I thought it…but I dared not speak it.  It came to a point I knew I had to release it.  So I confided in my little brother, for whom I have unbelievable respect and consider a spiritual mentor.  He said, “Tam, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to receive it well.” It was a tough question, but I had to place it in the atmosphere, and I knew I would be safe doing so with him.  He said emphatically, “What if the answer is yes?”

I was speechless for a moment, but I knew God was answering me through him.  I told him I’d hate to think my father had to be sacrificed for my well being.  I guess I was angry in a sense and didn’t realize it.  I felt guilty for sure.  Crazy, right?  Sometimes grief has a way of depressing and distressing us so deeply that we don’t think rationally and we fail to see what God has placed right before our eyes.  I’m so grateful that even in our blindness, He places others right where we need them to get the message across.  The conversation that followed was so simple, yet profound.  It was the last piece of the puzzle I needed for a breakthrough. 

Now, I know I’ve been all around the world with this one, but stay with me.  The crux of this entire post is this…

God always answers our prayers positively.  It’s just that His answers can be a little confusing or unclear when we don’t know what to look for.  My father was a sweet, sweet man…and no doubt, he has gained his crown.  We love him so much, but God loves him most.  I beat myself up emotionally for a while after he passed away.  Now, I realize that God is simply using my loss as one of many catalysts to mature me and bring me closer to Him.  So, when I asked God to heal my daddy and he died, I took that as a loud resounding “NO!”  But was it???  He always answers, just not as black and white as we might prefer.  God is still taking care of my father the way He always has…the same way He is taking care of me.  He has preordained all things for our good.  In order to gain understanding in times of trouble, we must ask for clear interpretation, starting by placing ourselves in line with His will.  His ways are not our ways, but under His command, all things work together!  We cannot take His answers so personally that we beat ourselves up over certain outcomes.  He never said it would be easy, but He promised He would be there.  One of the most important things I’ve learned in this is to seek Him beyond my fear and learn from the experiences He brings me through. 

Have you prayed some tough prayers and encountered challenges?  What challenges has God brought you through?  Is there something your spirit desires to release?  I challenge you to have faith that He has your best interest at heart.  Regardless of what the answers to your tough requests may be, remember, nothing is ever too hard for God.  My little brother reminds me all the time…God said, “You are My daughter and I love you!”  Be blessed :-)

Who Are You? Really.

One of the most profound questions we will ever encounter in life appears, at its surface, quite simple.  Yet, if we aren’t careful, the answer will escape us.  Fleeting and without remorse, the answer to that unassuming question, “who are you,” boggles the mind.  Even more terrifying is the truth that the answer lays far beneath the nice, neat comfortable surface we’ve created for ourselves.  Shiny and polished, and unblemished, we’ve presented ourselves for the world to see, while the original texture is hidden underneath.  Now, don’t get me wrong!  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with smooth edges and a nice finish…but let’s remain mindful of the particular stain we acquire.  Is it watered down? Does it require several coats just to be ugly enough to place the would-be masterpiece in storage until we’re ready to tackle it again?  Maybe the stain goes on fine and dries a completely unexpected color…Ha!  Well, that’s no good, either!  So sorry.  Or…perhaps we’ve found that perfect stain that brings out the natural undertones and patterns of a unique cut of wood.  Now we’ve got something!  Suddenly, all the imperfections of that old hunk of wood have become the very things that make it so special.  Aah, perfect imperfections!  Make no mistake…it’s no simple task getting all that old varnish off to reveal a most natural beauty, only to start the entire process all over again.  No fun, right?  But how beautiful and rewarding it is to see the finished product!

So, by now I’m sure you’ve figured out a couple things.  One…where I’m going with all of this.  And, two…that I absolutely LOVE analogies!!  (Haha!)  But on a serious note, this is a question we all, at some point, should accept the challenge of answering.  Who am I?  Who are you?  Really.  I assume that if you’re here, you’re open to getting a little uncomfortable if need be.  So, I’m challenging you…let’s dig deep.  No judgment.  Just complete unapologetic realness. 

For some, the initial swing at the question may reveal basic demographics.  That, we are the least interested in right now.  But the “who are you” we’re looking for suggests a deeper acknowledgment of the true self.  The one whose soul is ignited by purpose and passion…the one who tingles and twinkles at the very essence of God.  It is true.  We are the sum total of our experiences.  Good and bad.  A lot and not.  But it is mindset that determines the reality we choose to create out of those circumstances we experience.  Sure…we can place blame on our pasts, refuse to forgive those who have wronged us, and never let go of regret, pain, fear and guilt.  And if we’re really bout it (yeah, I said bout it!), we can glamorize it all and justify our behaviors by giving “circumstances” credit for making us who we are.  In actuality, we will have simply denied our true selves and relinquished our inherent power.  Such displays of reckless commitment to the ego only corrupt the spirit and create elaborate odes to an undeserving present.  In doing so, we paralyze who we really are and immortalize the mask we are not.  You know the mask I’m talking about!  The one we often wear to work, church, school, and display on social media.  Yeah…that mask.  You see…it’s easy to embrace the feelings and emotions that only serve our egos and puff us up with pride.  But what about the dingy, rank feelings we’ve been avoiding because we simply don’t want to get dirty?  This is the side we have to become most comfortable with in order to heal and grow.  We never really seem to want to go there, though.  I get it!  It’s human nature to take the path of least resistance…but results are never made in the comfort zone.  I wonder…what would happen if we just go for it?  I mean, really peel back that rotten ego, take a deep inhale, and go to work!

I would argue that many of us almost always fail to take the time to do the hard work of dealing with ourselves, opting instead to excuse ourselves from the God-given responsibility of our own lives.  My late father (whom I will eventually muster the strength to blog about some time soon) used to always tell me, “You may not be responsible for being down, but you’re responsible for getting up.”  We are the children, the expressions, of the true and living God.  We are here for divine purpose.  So, choose your stain wisely, guard your heart, and push forward.  It is YOUR responsibility to step into your greatness!  Plant your feet and claim your inheritance!  No one else can do it for you, so don’t waste it.  So, for the record...Who am I?...Really.  Well, in short…I am creative and beautiful.  Always imperfect, but His strength is greatest in my weakness. I am a twinkle in God’s eye.  I am grateful for new mercies.  I see my flaws and shortcomings as opportunities for a closer relationship with the Most High.  I love God and prefer His hard truth over anyone’s easy lie.  So, I’ll ask again…Who are you?  Really.